Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dick very happy bro
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
