In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is the high leading the old right now
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
