Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
