Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
