Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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