Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
