Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
