I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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