ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
