So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
