I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
