i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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