So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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