Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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