Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I FOUND THE LEGS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
