you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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