he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
