Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
