there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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