dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
