just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want to make out with him forever
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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