Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why did my mother make you get naked?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
