Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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