If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
