Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
