Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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