matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
