We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
