dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
