Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
