My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
there's paper in my vomit.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
