So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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