who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
