I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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