found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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