I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
