There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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