There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
