Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
