My hand turned me down
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it because I queefed?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
