Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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