he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
