I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
