Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
