Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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