so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
