Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
