had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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