She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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