Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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